Today's featured article/May 18, 2009

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Relative to Boobs, society exhibits a pervasive neglect of Balls and their value as sexual objects. Despite the obvious parallels, Boobs get far more attention and preferential treatment.

For example, there is a highly publicized Breast Cancer Awareness Day in which everyone wears pink ribbons to celebrate the cause. By all means, that is an excellent cause and breasts are wonderful things. However, the presiding organizations have yet to commemorate a Testicles Awareness Day in which everyone wears wrinkled ribbons to celebrate the cause. This is clearly a case of discrimination.

Balls deserve the same levels of support and equal treatment under the law as breasts receive. For example, on “European-style” beaches women are permitted to go topless. However, the same allowances are unfortunately not extended to balls. This appears to be a case of gender discrimination.

It would be easy to blame this clear case of gender discrimination on women since they seem to possess the objects of undue attention (Boobs), however, males exhibit the most profound bias toward breasts ever documented. In advanced stages, the reaction is similar to the effect the Kryptonite has on Superman. Thus, men are just as guilty of this unfair preferential treatment toward boobs and ensuing neglect of balls.

Men might take note of what some of the more industrious females have done: surgical augmentation. Men might consider “balls implant surgery” to accentuate the size of their balls and make them more appealing to others. Alternately, men might ask their doctor about Botox injections to minimize wrinkles and make their balls less unsightly. Or perhaps just a simple styling or makeover might attract more attention to your neglected testicles.

List of Helpful Synonyms for Balls: Testicles Nuts Gonads ‘Nads Marbles Stones Cajones

List of Helpful Synonyms for Boobs: Breasts Breasta-sists Tits Titties Melons Mangos Fun Bags Hooters Snow cones Ta-Tas